Why Are Women Always Cast As The Mean Mommy?

Just a little while ago I was cleaning up my kitchen while watching the news, and this damn Yoplait yogurt commercial came on.

In the commercial a husband is on the phone talking to a friend about how he's been eating Boston cream pie, Key lime pie and all sorts of treats and losing weight. While he's talking the wife is looking in the fridge and sees her yogurt is missing. She gives him THE LOOK and he sheepishly gets off the phone.

There are others as well, and the woman is of course - a mean mom.


Why oh why do we always have this stereotype of the mean mommy and the doofus man/child? Women are so often portrayed as punishing bitches and men are cast as stupid in need of a grownup to make them tow the line. Left to their own devices they will blow up the house, feed the children a steady diet of cheese curls and Yoo-hoo and never bathe.

I don't know about other women, but I don't see myself as the person who keeps a partner in line and acting like a responsible adult. That's his job. Any guy who needs me to be a mommie, mean or otherwise should be looking elsewhere for companionship.

In the "Sex and the City" movie, Miranda, while looking for a Halloween costume says to Carrie, "There are only two choices for costumes for women, sexy kitten or witch." To which Carrie replies, "You said a mouthful sister."

Do we really only have two archetypes - sexy vixen or bitch? Hmm, I don't really think so. I know lots of women and most are neither. I just want to know where our yogurt commercial is.

Britain's Got Talent Winners Are Awesome!

Tonight in England supposed front runner, singer Susan Boyle ended up in second place behind these young men from Essex, England. They are a group of street dancers who call themselves "Diversity" and they are incredible.


Diversity's choreography is just outstanding and as much as I have been rooting for Susan Boyle, her continued success is all but guaranteed, she will have a career as a singer now. For these young guys however, this win is enormous exposure and validation.

The leader seems to a young physics student, Ashley Banjo, a guy who said he started at 14 copying dance routines and then started making up his own.

I love stories like this because just when I give into cynicism, something like this comes along and reminds me of the unabashed joy and unexpected in life. I just love it when that happens.

Is Playing Princess As a Little Girl Really Bad?

It seems about every two months or so a story comes out linking issues with girls (from body image to low self-esteem and more) to the big bad Disney corporation and their princesses.

Perhaps it's because I'm not 25 anymore, and my children are all young adults that my perspective may be a bit different than some. If I were to have children now I think I would obsess a whole lots less - everything from thumb sucking to security blankets and diapers resolve themselves in due course.

So when it comes to girls loving everything princess and mothers fearing their daughters subjugation all I can say is: lighten up!

My daughter liked to watch "Cinderella" every single day from about ages 3-5. Then it was "Little Mermaid," "Beauty and the Beast," "Mulan," "Pocahontas" and any other Disney movie you can think of. She also grew up to be one of the brightest, most independent, sassy (in a good way) young women you'd ever want to meet. She never expects a man to rescue her, and travels the world by herself. Somehow I do not think loving Belle, Ariel and their ilk damaged her in any way shape or form. When she graduated from one of the best colleges in the country she had a Hello Kitty pin on her gown and had bedazzled the hem.

You CAN be a girly girl and be smart and accomplished, to teach girls otherwise is just plain wrong. My advice to all these over-zealous parents is the realization that you have a hell of a lot more influence than Belle or Aurora. Kids watch and listen to you every single day. Parent your kids and they will realize what's real and what's not. In the meantime, let them enjoy the fantasy.

Why Are So Many Women So Mad At Elizabeth Edwards?

As the recent "Oprah" episode with Elizabeth Edwards who was promoting her new book, "Resilience"was still on the air I noticed Facebook was abuzz with people kibitzing back and forth about her.

Some people were criticizing her for staying with her husband after he admitted cheating on her, some felt she was putting her kids first, and some were downright mean.

I have certain things I'm really kind of obsessed with, and I have a friend, Laurie, who I love to talk about these kinds of things with. She's a writer as well and we get all fired up.

In some ways the things I get fired up about have a connecting thread - how women treat and judge one another. Whether it's how we mother, how we look, if we work or don't work while raising kids, how those kids turn out and what kind of relationships we have with the men in our lives are all open season for opinions.

During her "Oprah" interview Elizabeth Edwards said something I have thought many times about infidelity in marriage and the women married men cheat with. Oprah asked her if she blamed the other woman rather than her husband and she said, to paraphrase: She does blame her husband, but she also hold the other woman accountable as well. She said she believed that women should have enough respect for each other to not go there. If you see a man with a family and think you would like that, you don't knock on the door and say, "you're out, I'm in." You go and create your own life with your own man. I wholeheartedly agree.

I am a woman's woman. I love my women friends. Some women make me cringe for the way they represent our gender, but in general I really like women. As a single woman I would never insinuate myself into anyone else's relationship, I just would not go there. Sadly, not all women have that same belief.

Elizabeth Edwards has made the choice she feels is best for her and her children. It's not our place to tell her what she should or shouldn't do. We cannot know her feelings as a person with a terminal illness, who has lost a child when he was 16, possibly she feels she's been through enough and wants to peacefully live the life she has left.

My wish would be that as women we could learn to be each others' greatest cheerleaders, not detractors. I'm well aware of my own shortcomings and lapses into silent, and okay, sometimes not-so-silent judgement, but I'm trying to do better.

It's hard enough to be a mom, a partner, a career person and all the other roles we play without a chorus of other women just waiting for us to screw up so we can feel better about ourselves. Truly feeling good about yourself does not come at someone else's expense, it comes from knowing we're all just doing the best we can, which is all any of us can ask of ourselves.

Could You Give Up Social Networking For A Week?

This morning I read about a challenge - a challenge to not use any social networking sites for one week.

Think you can do it? This means no Facebook, no Twitter, no myspace.

If you're up to the challenge go here to sign up.

I'll be honest, almost all my work life is on the Web. But, I do not Twitter - truly my life is not that interesting. I've thought about it and wondered about doing trying it, but seriously, I sit in front of a computer for probably 10-12 hours a day. I go to the gym, I clean the cats' litter box and eat standing up in my kitchen. A thrilling life it is not. It occasionally gets spiced up with some movies, music and friends, but basically there's nothing going on that anyone would ever want to read about.

Also, for all my multi-tasking - I blog, I am a columnist, I write feature stories and am working on my second book, I don't feel the need to share minute by minute breakdowns of my day with anyone. Even my children don't want to know what I'm doing all day long. I can see the Tweets now:

"Still sitting at the computer"

"Made some tea. It tastes really good."

"Oh my God, there's a spider on my desk!"

"Something in my fridge smells bad, but I'm hungry so I'm ignoring it."

Yeah, not exactly front page news.

If you think you may be a bit addicted to social networking you might want to try to take a week off. Chances are after a day or two you might find you have a lot of time to do other things on your hands.

Earth Day 2009: Love Your Planet

I write a monthly column in the Cape Cod Times called, "Be Green" offering readers ways they can do more to live a green life. Last night I spoke at an Earth Day event here on the Cape and complied the list below as a handout. Thought I'd share!

Remember EVERY day should be Earth Day, not just once a year.

Ten Things You Can Do Today To Be More Green:

1. Unplug your cell phone chargers and other small appliances when not in use. Ten percent of our energy is wasted on items that are plugged in and not in use.
2. It may not be realistic to give up all paper napkins or paper towels, but think before you grab an armful for one spill, or a half dozen napkins for a bowl of soup.
3. Switch from petroleum based paraffin candles to soy and beeswax ones. Cheaper candles also often have lead in the wicks, so you're breathing in that along the oil-based wax fumes. As a bonus, beeswax candles last longer too!
4. Summer is coming, and instead of slathering yourself with chemical-laden sunscreens, (some of which contain oxybenzone - a chemical that has been shown to cause hormone disruption, low birth weight in children and allergies). Health food stores are chock full of natural choices. Use those. Brands like Kiss My Face and Badger Balm are considered safe for the whole family.
5. This is simple and you are hopefully doing it already - recycle. Don't throw away anything that you can recycle. Paper, magazines, old phone books. cans, plastics, cardboard and glass. Get some bins and just do it.

6. If you take your lunch to work or school pack it in reusable containers.

7. By now you should know to not be buying bottled water. Buy a bottle and fill it. If the water in your area isn't great buy a Brita pitcher or a filter for your tap.

8. No matter what kind of shopping you're doing bring a reusable bag with you. Not just to the grocery store but every kind of store.

9. Buy locally grown food as much as possible. The less your food travels, the less the impact on the environment. The good news is local is often healthier as well.

10. Switch to online bill paying. If everyone did this it would save lots and lots of paper, and fuel driving those bills around. To see the impact the switch would make check out this Web site.

Susan Boyle: Perfect Just As She Is

Like many people, over the last couple of days I've been hearing a lot about a lovely Scottish woman, Susan Boyle with an amazing voice. This sweet, unassuming woman sang a song from "Le Miserables," so beautifully it even softened the often-grouchy Simon Cowell and caused the audience to rise from their seats yelling and clapping.

But, it's started already - the desire to make her over. A writer whom I love, Ann Leary, wrote about how women are often critiqued for their looks on her blog yesterday, and it caused me to follow through on something I'd been wanting to write about.

I saw Simon Cowell and the rest of that British audience rolling their eyes at Susan Boyle. See, she's not pretty in the conventional sense. I confess I had those thoughts as I watched her, wanting to "pretty her up." You know, wax the brows, fix the hair, convince her dark hose with white shoes isn't a great look. But then I thought about it and asked the question: Says who???

We are all awfully opinionated about how we should all look. Hey, I buy into it. MY hair is highlighted. I pluck, pumice and preen with the best of them, and I like it. One of my best friends, who is one of the most incredible people I know, isn't at all into that stuff. She'd rather chainsaw down a tree, play her fiddle or teach a child how to do math than fuss with her hair. She does however, paint her toenails. When I've pointed out the incongruity of this girly pursuit, she just shrugs her shoulders and says she like having her toes painted. God how I love her.

I was watching "Access Hollywood" or "Extra" last night - they're pretty interchangeable - and they had a makeup and hair person do a virtual makeover on Miss Doyle and showed her all prettied up. And it made me sad. What is wrong with the way she looks now?

If Susan Doyle wants to change her look she should, but my hope would be that if she doesn't that it wouldn't change her trajectory for success. But I know that won't be true. I can see it now - some stylist will get their bony hands on her and style her to be something different, something they feel is better - something the masses will think is an acceptable amount of pretty.

Beauty IS in the eye of the beholder. I know the lens through which I look at others refocuses when I see beyond what I might initially see. I remember when my son Ben was in high school and had dreadlocks. I would see the looks he got, especially from older people who judged him without having a clue as to who he was. What they didn't see, beyond the hair, was the captain of the football team, the honor roll student, the REALLY nice kid who would hold a door or carry groceries for them.

Not everyone wants to be waxed, Botoxed and trussed like a turkey. Susan Boyle is sassy, brave, funny and incredibly gifted. So back off you crones with the scissors and makeup brushes, let the woman be who she is, I think she has a lot to teach us about what beautiful truly is.