Why Does Dating Make Us Stupid?

All right, maybe I should qualify that headline and say dating makes ME stupid.

In the Huffington Post today there was a great column by Dr. Alex Benzer about how important it is to toss toxic mates. Sounds like common sense, right? Then why do women and men (including me) often keep trying to make it work even when we know it's NOT working?

We can get all Freudian if you want, but I'm starting to think the why isn't as important as just saying no to relationships that don't feel good.

I have never been in an abusive relationship - I've never been hit, verbally abused or humiliated. That's a whole different thing than I'm talking about. Anyone who is in that type of relationship needs professional support in help getting out of it. I'm talking relationships where you don't feel adored, appreciated and are constantly questioning what's going on. I've been there and it's no fun. I'm not proud to say that I've turned myself inside out trying to make relationships work - much to my daughter's eye rolling chagrin - and I've made a vow to NEVER do that again. As Dr. Benzer says in his column, everyone has issues but it's not your job to try to fix them (that's me - Miss Fix-it!) what is your job is to look out for yourself.

My friend Laura's mom always used to say, "Better to be alone than wish you were alone." Thank you, Adie! We all deserve to be loved for who we are, just as we are, and should not be second guessing what someone else is thinking or feeling.

In the now-classic, "he's just not that into you" episode of "Sex and the City," Miranda is sitting on some steps eating her lunch listening to two women who are strangers talk about why a guy hasn't called, "He's working hard," "He's stressed out," etc etc etc. No. We're not doing that anymore. If it's not working for you, if you're spending time analyzing what he's thinking, what he's doing and excusing his behavior, and if you're talking to your girlfriends ALL THE FREAKING TIME about him/her, it's not good!

I think it's time to stop being stupid, to stop trying so damn hard to make it work when it's not working and just move on (of course I'm talking dating here, not marriage - so don't inundate me with comments saying I'm condoning divorce!).

Stop compromising yourself and start realizing what you're worth and expect the best. If you settle for anything less, well, you're just settling.