Sunday, October 19, 2008

Family First Is Much More Than a Campaign Slogan

The reason I haven't posted all week is that my mom has been seriously ill in the hospital. Life as we know it stops when something like this happens.

At 84-years-old it's hard to know how this will all play out, but I am trying to remain hopeful and positive.

Rather than focus on what's wrong and specifics of her illness, which feels inappropriate, I just wanted to write about who this woman I call mom is.

My mom, Louise, is a woman of that "Greatest Generation," you know, those folks who unlike us, didn't live beyond their means, saved, did the right thing without having to be reminded to, and lived good, honest, hard-working lives.

She was one of the very first single, working mothers I ever knew of. After my father left when I was about seven, she went back to teaching to support us. She didn't get a lot of financial help from him and on her modest teacher's salary supported my brother, Mark and I.

My brother and I had a tearful conversation this morning about who she is and what we learned from her and how that has impacted who we are.

I was telling him, and he agreed, that she is one of the least judgemental parents anyone could ever have. She's seen me go through a divorce, the ups and downs of raising three kids and never once has she ever second guessed or criticized me. She's just always told me how great a mother I am and how proud she is of me. Not too many people get that.

It's easy sometimes as we go through life to focus on what we didn't get, and all children can make a long list of those deficits, my children included I'm sure. But, when it dawns on you that this person won't always be there and that reality sets in, you start to realize that none of that matters, and what you got was what you needed.

It speaks volumes to the kind of person she is that her grandchildren have all shown up - my daughter all the way from California, and two sons from various New England locales, to support and give a hug to their Ama. She supports my oldest son in recovery, my younger son's DJ'ing career, my daughter's burgeoning career in finance, and she's never been anything but supportive of my decision to be a writer. She is also the kind of woman who even her ex-son-in-law visits in the hospital.

At 84, until a few months ago, my mom was going to yoga classes and became a Reiki Master at 80. She took my brother and I to be initiated into Transcendental Meditation when we were teens, and bought me lots of yarn, fabric, paints and books to support my interest in arts, crafts and writing. She was a different mom in many ways, and it's because of that difference I had the courage to take a leap and pick a career that may feed my soul but not always my bank account.

No one's childhood is perfect or idyllic. I actually believe some of those lacks and struggles are an important part of the people we become. The trick I think is to not get so mired down in those lacks that you fail to see the pluses, and for me those far outweigh the minuses.

1 comment:

shauna said...

Your mom sounds like a wonderful woman.

I wish you and your family well.

Keep in touch.

xo