Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

I've always considered myself a girl's girl, and as an adult, a woman's woman. But there are times that I am disappointed in my gender and find myself siding more with the guys.

Having raised two sons and a daughter, I saw up close and personal just how different the friendships between boys and girls are. I held my daughter as she cried about being treated badly by "mean girls" and I saw my sons get upset with a friend, deal with it and move on.

What got me thinking about this is today's "Oprah," a show about a mother who forgot her toddler daughter in her car when she went to work. Hours later, the little girl was found dead from heat stroke. It's easy to stand in judgement and think that you'd never do that, but it was truly an accident. An accident she will have to live with for the rest of her life.

The mom talked about how she went from being a well-respected assistant principal and mother to who she called, "The most hated woman in America." And it was largely women who told her how horrible she was.

For some reason we can be each other's biggest supporters and worst enemies. My daughter graduated in May from Wellesley College, one of the few women's colleges left in the country. The education she received there is unparalleled, and she made some friends who I am sure will be friends for life, but for all of that there was mean girl activity that was so awful I was appalled. Once in a while she would forward threads of e-mails to me. Below is what she sent to me during her freshman year:

"This best represents Wellesley girls. It starts off with a girl named
Anna* looking for a place to tan. Very bad choice to post on the Wellesley
community conference. As we all know girls have a tendency to be catty.
Well now we can do it over the Internet. It goes from tanning, to skin
cancer, to racism, to proving that girls really are crazy." *Name changed

The e-mail went on to judging and mocking this poor girl who asked a simple question and showed just how cruel girls can be.

I adore my women friends, and thankfully I'm pretty confident no one in my close circle is a frenemy, but I've been subjected to sniping, judging and been lied to by women I thought were dear friends.

We hold ourselves to such high standards: we have to have perfect children, relationships, homes and jobs, all while being a size 4 and looking hot. Who can live up to all that?!

I think we turn on each other for a few reasons: We're hungry after not having consumed more than 1000 calories a day in 10 years and we're not thinking straight. If we diminish someone else we can feel better about ourselves. And I think it's encouraged by a media that loves cat fights.

Maybe the best thing we can do is to circle the wagons and stop hurting each other. In the meantime, I'm going to make sure I have some good guy friends too, at least I always know where I stand with them.