New Year? New Me? There's Hope Yet.

I was thinking about the New Year and what I wanted to be my theme song for the year, and as I was scrolling through my music I came across this lovely India.Arie song and thought, this is it - "There's Hope."

I've had a tough year. At the end of last year I lost my father, and though we weren't exactly close, he was my dad and there's a sadness with that loss. My oldest son was coming out of some serious struggles at the beginning of 2008, and just as he was getting better, my mom got sick, and died several months later. All in all not a banner year. But, as I am wont to do, I got thinking about what I've learned and what I'm grateful for. So, before I make my list of goals for next year, I wanted to spend a few minutes reflecting on the last one.

1. I learned that no one can ever love you like your mom. No matter what the ups and downs of that relationship are, it's a bond unlike any other. I was lucky that my relationship with my mom was closer than many, it had it's issues, like any relationship, but I was blessed.

2. I learned that we are all a lot stronger than we think we are, and when pushed to the max, we usually can pull it out. We might collapse afterward, but we're a resilient little species.

3. A sense of humor can get you through the toughest times and save your sanity. I thank God I come from a funny family, without our ability to laugh we'd all be in a padded room somewhere, not that we shouldn't be anyway.

4. It's okay to be alone. There's no shame in being single. As the lovely Adrienne Smith used to say, "Better to be alone than wish you were alone." When I bought my Christmas tree by myself, got it in the stand alone and decorated, I didn't feel sad, I felt empowered.

5. As bad as things can get, they WILL get better. You just have to have that faith that it comes around again. It's the natural order of things.

Some of my goals for the upcoming year are just for me and maybe those closest to me, but there are three things I'll put here:

1. To live life wide wake. No sleepwalking through days: be aware, conscious and grateful for every single day.
2. Say yes more than no.
3. Stop trying to be a round peg trying to fit into square hole relationships. If it feels like work, it's not right.

As India says in that song: "There's hope, it doesn't cost a thing to smile,you don't have to pay to laugh, you better thank God for that."

I kind of lost my optimism this year. It was a pretty dark time, but something tells me that it's coming around again. Ah, there's hope.