Monday, December 1, 2008

Sugar Daddy or john? Is There A Difference?


I was reading this post on The Daily Beast today by a young woman who is the "sugar baby" for an older man. She's a senior in college, he's a successful media mini-mogul who she said spends an average of $5000 a month supporting her lifestyle. In exchange she's accompanies him on trips, has sex with him and is his girlfriend for all intents and purposes, but I would think that since he pays for her it would be no biggie for him to fire her.

With things as tough as they are economically I've sometimes had the fantasy of how nice it would be kind of nice to have someone paying the bills while I toiled away on my next book. But this sort of arrangement is a little too skeevy and "Pretty Woman" for me. And yes, I'm well aware that I'm not exactly at the "sugar baby" age anyway thank you very much.

As I read the post by Ms. Beech (a pseudonym) I have to say my first thought went to my own daughter, a similar age and how disappointed I would be in her if she thought that was the only way she could make her way in the world. The author talked about the Manolos in her closet and the trips to Paris, the nice car and the spa weekends, but the cost just seems a little too high for me. There's a lot to be said for buying those things yourself and getting them in right time when you've earned it.

Today the third woman in a row was named Secretary of State. The dichotomy of reading this post after watching Hillary Clinton accept Barrack Obama's appointment was not lost on me. For every step I see women take forward, there's always a couple back.

We still live in a culture that for women is completely confusing. For every Hillary there's a Paris. For every Tina Fey, a Lauren Conrad.

My dream is for a world where women truly see their value beyond what they look like and the sexual services they can provide to a man. I also dream of a world where older men don't exploit insecure, financially strapped young women who might not completely understand what they're getting into. To me there's something intrinsically icky about a man old enough to be a young woman's dad having a relationship with her.

I hope that Ms. Beech makes it to the other side of this intact. I also hope that Mr. Media, her benefactor, grows up enough to realize that what really matters in relationships is the commitment and willingness to be there for someone else. Someone who's not there because you pay them to be, but because they want to be. And maybe he'll get that what's really important in life isn't what you earned, bought or where you live, it's showing up for those you love. And money can't buy that.

1 comment:

Peter Porcupine said...

Good post.

Did you know the ORIGINAL ending of 'Pretty Woman'? Teh screenwriter had titled the film Three Tousand (after the dollar amount involved). Adn at the end of the fil, Gere drives Julia back to where he found her - and leaves.
Period.

THAT is what will happen to Ms. Beech - and blame Disney for prettying it up.