Monday, February 9, 2009

Why Do Women Have Such A Hard Time Realizing "He's Just Not That Into You"?



I might as well confess. I am a romcom whore. I love "Bridget Jones's Diary," "When Harry Met Sally," "Sleepless in Seattle," "27 Dresses"... yes, I admit it. I love romantic comedy. But I can also throw down with the best of them and gobble up Tarantino movies and love indie movies as well. But I have no shame in admitting my love for movies that are like a frothy pink cupcake with sprinkles on top. This probably explains iPod choices that range from Britney Spears to Q-Tip.

So I went to see "HJNTITY" this weekend and enjoyed it more than film aficionados would want me to, but I don't care. It got me thinking though, that no matter how well we know the truth about relationships - we don't seem able to believe it.

When the book came out the publisher sent me a copy, and so did my father. Yes, Freud would have a heyday with the father who left me as a little girl giving me a book titled, "He's Just Not That Into You." Truly, you can't make up this stuff.

So I read the book. I wrote about the book. I made fun of the obviousness of the advice: "If he's not calling, he's just..." How silly! How could any woman not know that?! Well it turns out, when we like someone we start to rationalize. And we're really good at it, and so are our friends. You will hear all sorts of excuses:
"He's probably intimidated by you because you're so awesome!"
"Maybe he's just really busy at work, you know how stressful his job is."
"He could be sick - maybe I should call and see if he's okay?"
And the classic: "I know he's into me, he's just scared."
Yes, and maybe a huge bookcase fell on him crushing him AND his phone.

I'll admit it, I've done it. And if you're being honest you have too. Somehow the thought that "He's just not into you," is totally liberating yet somehow just a little bit heartbreaking. We all want people to adore us, and can't understand it when they don't. Somehow I think all those rationalizations make the pain of rejection just a little bit easier to take. After all, everyone wants someone who's totally into them. But wait, what if he's really into you and you're not into him? Because for whatever reason that seems to happen a LOT.

I think it's amazing anyone ever gets together.

1 comment:

alx said...

Thing is, it works the other way too. People thinking this is only a female phenomenon are delusional.