Miley Cyrus: Vanity Fair Do or Don't?

You'd have to have been living under a rock or in a cave to have not heard about the Vanity Fair photo controversy involving the 15-year-old Miley Cyrus.

The photos are tasteful, yet even my extremely open mind was a little taken back at the sexualization of a girl who really is still a child.

I've been reading blog after blog and have been interested to see how differently folks are thinking of this. Celeb blogger Perez Hilton keeps referring to her as "slutty" ( pet peeve of mine). This from a man who draws pictures of penises on celebrities, so yes, he is certainly the purveyor of good taste. And of course that moral compass himself, Bill O'Reilly, a man I cannot tolerate, was talking about it, saying she should go on Oprah and apologize.

Even actress Jamie Lee Curtis wrote a column for the Huffington Post about parenting our children in the era of Britney and Paris.

I've been thinking a lot about all of this over the last 24 hours. I write about pop culture and follow all these young women. But, closer to my heart is the fact that I am a mother of three - two sons and a daughter. When I see photos of a young girl like Miley the first thought I have is: is this how I'd like my daughter portrayed to the world?

Last week photos of Miley from MySpace leaked onto the World Wide Web and we all saw pictures of her showing her stomach and her lime green bra. They made me very sad for several reasons.

In the larger scheme of things it seems many girls feel the only way to get attention and be special is to flaunt their bodies and sexuality at younger and younger ages. And we in the media do not help things. Girls seem to feel their only value is in their looks and ability to be sexual. I caught a bit of "Middle School Confessions" on HBO the other night and was shocked, completely shocked at what these 13-year-old girls were doing.

Over and over young women like Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are shown getting lots of attention for not wearing underwear, dancing on tables and even going to jail. Good Lord, CNN covered Paris getting out of jail in her designer jacket and jeans.

My daughter is 22, and about to graduate from one of the best women's colleges in the country. I am relieved that she's as old as she is and I don't have to navigate this minefield of skanky behavior that is hitting girls at younger and younger ages.

The thing is we can't have it both ways - we can't be a culture that shows salacious commercials during the Super Bowl and then wonder why our daughters think they are only valuable if they have big breasts and grant sexual favors to boys in the back of the school bus.

When my daughter went off to college I remember driving on to this lovely collegiate campus and seeing banners flying from all the lamp posts that said, "Women Who Will." I want my daughter to be a woman who will see that as beautiful as the outer package may be, she is so much more. My wish is that every girl would get that lesson.

The fervour over Miley Cyrus' pictures will fade, but maybe we should be paying more attention to the lessons within the drama: How can we help our daughters see there is more to them than what they look like? What kind of women do we want our daughter's to be? And what can we, as a culture do to support them in seeing their value as people, and not just commodities?

Life Coaching - Could It Be The Answer To Your Questions?

Readers of this blog may or may not know that besides being a writer I am also a trained life coach.

I decided to go through the training after a life coach helped me post-divorce. Sure I did therapy, but after a while even I got tired of my whining. My coach helped me to see everything I had to look forward to, and not get mired in the past. He helped me map out a path to the future, my future.

What I found was a whole new and yes, happy life. I also found that I loved helping others, especially women in transition to do the same. I'm a natural born cheerleader and love supporting people in discovering who and what they truly want to be.

While I've been madly creating a writing career I have kept just a few long-time clients, but have decided that I would like to take on a few more people who are motivated and ready to change their lives for the better.

Have you always thought of trying your hand at writing a column for your local newspaper but don't know how to go about it? Don't know how to get yourself out there in the dating world after a breakup? Want to lose weight and get in shape? Hiring a coach is like having a little secret weapon, someone who is in your corner and who's sole purpose is to support you, and call you on your stuff when you're not following through - but in a nice way!

Coaching is not a substitute for counseling. Coaches are not trained to deal with issues like clinical depression. What we are trained to do is hold our clients accountable and help them reach the goals they set for themselves. Yes, there is homework, but how great is homework that's all about you?!

For the most part coaching in done on the phone (how convenient is that?) so it doesn't matter if you're in Los Angeles and I'm on Cape Cod.

I offer a free session to see if we're a good fit (any coach worth their salt does) - very important in coaching. I do not ask my clients to hang crystals, believe in "The Secret," or do anything new age-y, unless they want to.

And please know, that while I write about silly things and try to make people laugh with my writing, hopefully successfully here and there, that is my writing voice. It is a piece of who I am, not all of me. Hopefully we'll have fun while we work at creating your best life, but I approach supporting and helping my clients very seriously.

You can e-mail me through my blog, and let me know if you'd like to give coaching a try. You've got nothing to lose, and maybe a whole new life to gain.

Apparently Chivalry Is Not Dead - At Least in England

I was reading a post on one of my favorite blogs, Jezebel the other day, and came across a study that was done by a British online dating site, Dating Direct, about chivalry.

It seems that 56% of the guys surveyed said they enjoy picking up the tab for dinner, and 34% said they have defended a woman's honor.

I am probably going to incur the wrath of every feminist out there when I say, I kind of like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can take care of myself, but you know, I don't always want to. There, I said it: Being able to do it all doesn't mean you want to always have to do it all.

I love the idea of a guy noticing the air in my tires is low, his offering to lift something heavy, and telling me after as long day, why don't I put my feet up and he'll make me some tea.

Is this chivalry, or it is just being kind to the person you love? I might not do those exact things for a guy - unless a tire is flat I can't tell what it's up to, I can help lift heavy things, but I'm no Incredible Hulk. But I would make tea, cookies and even a lasagna if so desired.

To my way of thinking there's a big difference between chivalry and sexism. Someone wanting to look out for you does not take away your power or your independence- it makes you feel cared for and appreciated.

All right, so maybe I've watched a few too many movies with princesses, but I've also watched my fair share of Katharine Hepburn films, and I know women are strong, powerful and capable. I also think it's all right to be vulnerable.

There's a line in the movie "27 Dresses" where James Marsden's Kevin says to Katherine Heigl, "I think you deserve more than what you settle for. I think you deserve to be taken care of for a change."

Wanting to be taken care of a little bit doesn't take away any of your super powers, especially if it's by someone you want to take care of right back.

So, I will cherish having doors opened for me, my hand being taken to help me out of a car, and a jacket being put around my shoulders because I look chilly.

It doesn't mean I can't be a best-selling author or anything else I want to be, it just means I am well loved, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow?

In the last couple of weeks I have seen Maria Shriver all over the talk shows promoting her new book, "Just Who Will You Be," and have taken note of her voluminous locks. Maybe it's partly envy - my hair has never bounced and behaved quite so lusciously, but I've been wondering if it's time for her to let the super-long hair go. At some point does it make you look older or does it keep you young? I don't know.

My hair is no where near as long as Shriver's, but with a hair appointment coming up, I've wondered - how long is too long at a certain point in time?

Actresses and women in the limelight, like Shriver seem to get away with it more than those of us in the "real" world. The women I see here on Cape Cod with long hair are more of the stick it up in a bun variety, not the type who are spending hours wrapping hot rollers on their heads.

There comes a point in every one's life where they realize certain things aren't age-appropriate, and it's not a happy time. I am lucky(?) that I have a daughter who is MORE than happy to tell me when something just isn't a fit - be it size or style-wise.

A few years ago I showed up at the school where I was working with braids in my hair. The school nurse was quite honest (and did me a big favor) when she said, "Uh, that's not working." I realized that just because I felt young didn't necessarily mean I should style myself like an 18-year-old.

I've been poring over magazines and accosting people on the street (well, really only at the gym) to ask them about their style - who did their hair? Are they happy with it? Is it easy to maintain? Hey, I'm a reporter - I've got to get my story, even if it is just about my hair.

I have a couple of more weeks before I go and get the blond put back in and make the decision of just how far to go with a new style. I've spent the winter letting it grow so my options would be many, and now I just don't know what to do. For every cute Jenny McCarthy haircut I see, I then see a gorgeous shot of someone with luscious, long locks like Gwyneth Paltrow though my hairdresser is always quick to point out that right out of camera range is a hairdresser with a brush, curling iron and lots of product.

Certainly there are more pressing world issues, (and really, in my own life as well) but our hair is special to us. And it's not just women who love their hair- look at the lengths men will go to to stave off the loss of their locks.

For right now I am going to stick it up in a pony tail and go for a walk. Hmm, if I cut it I won't be able to do that anymore, will I? Oh my, it really is becoming quite the hair-raising decision.

"Gossip Girl" - The Best Show Ever?

I don't admit to many people how much I love "Gossip Girl." Well, unless you count this blog and the readers of my twice-monthly newspaper column, "Pop Goes the Culture." Yeah, I guess the whole world is privy to my inappropriate love for this show.

I had a bit of a debate with my editor last week who thought I had referenced the show a little too often in my column, but felt totally vindicated when New York Magazine put the teen drama on the cover of a recent issue with a story titled, "The Genius of Gossip Girl." Apparently I am not alone in my GG love.

I am way above the teen demographic for this show, but somehow I find myself inexpicably drawn to the salaciousness of the show. My high school experience was certainly nothing like this, and really, that's what's so fun about it. I doubt, unless you are Gwyneth Paltrow that your high school experience was like this.

Why do I love GG? Let me count the ways:

1. Chuck Bass. The incredibly spoiled son of a mogul, Chuck is evil, calculating and manipulative. But, the optimist in me sees the vulnerability underneath the sleazy exterior - I think Chuck just wants to be loved.

2. Blair Waldorf. As the Queen Bee of her group at Upper East Side prep school she wields her power in a mean-spirited self-serving manner that is painful yet fun to watch. I've never understood people who enjoy humiliating others, but find it kind of fascinating to watch.

3. The Upper East Side of New York. This pricey bit of real estate is about as far away from where I live on Cape Cod as you can get. There is a certain vicarious thrill to seeing how blithely people throw money around on personal care, clothing and where they live. As I sit on my sagging couch it's kind of fun to see perfectly appointed homes where money is never an issue. None of these families seem to be concerned with rising health care and oil prices. It's a nice break from reality.

4. Rufus Humphrey. Matthew Settle plays the struggling gallery owner father of Dan and Jenny, and he is the only grown man on the show who I would ever think of dating. He is a little lost - his wife has moved to Hudson, (not sure where that is not being a New Yorker - but it doesn't matter, this cute guy is single) and still in love with his social-climbing former girlfriend, Lily van der Woodsen (who is also the mother of his son's girlfriend, Serena -confusing?).

5. Josh Schwartz. Schwartz is the creator of "Gossip Girl," and was also the creator of "The O.C." - another favorite if mine. This guy has an incredible knack for creating characters, settings and story lines that keep you coming back.

But really, the star of the show is "Gossip Girl" herself. We never see her, though her voice is that of Kristen Bell. No one knows who she is, but everyone pays attention when her texts come through.

I don't care that perhaps people think I should be watching "Masterpiece Theater" instead of this teen drama (which I do watch as well by the way). "Gossip Girl" gives me an hour of total escape. I try not to question too seriously why these high schoolers are allowed in bars and are drinking mojitos and martinis - a certain suspension in belief is needed.

Given the relatively dull nature of my everyday life - sitting for hours at a time in front of a computer trying to churn out amusing literary tid bits, it's kind of fun to live vicariously in the Upper East Side of New York. Even if I know would be cast as the mom, not the hot teen.

Full- Frontal Afront

I went to see "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" yesterday and while I knew what to expect I was still a little (nothing personal Jason Segel) taken back by seeing all of Segel's bits and pieces.

I have to say that movie producer/writer/director Judd Apatow has done more to even the playing field of movie nudity gender-wise more than any other filmmaker in recent memory. Seriously, we've seen more, well, packages (not of the UPS persuasion) and backsides in the last four years or so than we have seen since Harvey Keitel revealed all in "The Piano," or Mark Wahlberg amazed us all with his prodigious prosthetic pecker in "Boogie Nights."

Where gender-bias is still very evident however is in the bodies of the typical Apatow male versus the females. Seriously - Kristen Bell's rockin' abs as Sarah Marshall? Yeah, amazing. Segel's doughy bod? Eh, not so much. I have long contended that very few actresses would be hired repeatedly if they looked like Will Ferrell, or if they were above a size 2. I wonder - would audiences line up to see or even believe, that Daniel Craig in the next installment of "James Bond," could be hooking up with "Ugly Betty"? I'm not so sure.

While most Apatow men are "every man" kinds of guys, the women are far from it. As I sat in the theater yesterday I wondered how many women who look like Kristen Bell or Mila Kunis would go for a Jason Segel or Will Ferrell? If they weren't super-successful movie stars?

Maybe it's a geek fantasy. Apatow himself is no Clooney, but he is married to the lovely Leslie Mann, so maybe his thesis is correct: women will go for funny over handsome time and again.

I laughed my way through "Knocked Up," but had a hard time completely suspending belief that someone as beautiful and ambitious as Katherine Heigel's character would go for a pot-smoking slacker like Seth Rogen's.

I'm the first to admit that I think smart and funny supersedes movie-star looks, but most of these guys aren't exactly rocket scientists, and seem to spend an inordinate amount of time on their couches clutching a bong.

The good news is scripts, like those penned by Segel in "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," do dispel some myths about romance - like love only happens between beautiful people who live in gorgeous apartments and wear designer clothes. I give these guys props for that.

And, while I'm on a bit of a self-imposed dating hiatus I appreciate the chance to view the male form and getting to see what I am and I am not missing. Thanks Jason Segel for taking one for the team, and for making me think that for now, being alone ain't all bad.

Like Running With Scissors - Stuck in My Leg!

All right, so I have been feeling really good about myself this week. See I do exercise, but I never really take it up a notch and push myself. Not this week - I decided, inspired perhaps by the upcoming Boston Marathon, to do a little (accent on the little) more.

I live near a pond and there's a lovely, albeit steep hill that leads down to it. So feeling super-energetic one day this week, I decided while out for one of my brisk walks that during a couple of my loops I would walk part-way down the hill and run back up. And you know, I kind of liked it! I felt energized, powerful, a little like a super hero!

Now I have never liked running, just ask my high school gym teacher. It's always hurt and it just was too hard for my less-than-enthusiastic body. Walking and aerobics classes worked just fine thank you very much.

So this morning, instead of sitting here writing (which I say has never injured me) I was all excited about going for my walk/run. For the first time it's actually warm, and I couldn't wait to get out there.

I walked for about five minutes (I should make clear I didn't stretch beforehand which may be important to know later in the story) and walked down the hill. I was smart though, on this first-go-round I walked back up the hill, even so my shins felt a little weird, but being the jock I am (yeah, right) I walked it off. Okay, so round two, I strode down that hill and ran back up, and ended up with the most painful muscle cramp in my calf that I've ever experienced.

Since I'd managed to walk off the shin splint or whatever I'd had before, I thought, okay, I can walk this off too. Uh, not so much.

The fact that I hadn't stretched was now not lost on me as I limped around my neighborhood, periodically stopping to lean on a mailbox to stretch my leg. I kept looking around for potentially mocking glances from neighbors, but thankfully no one else was out yet.

I assumed that after I got home, rubbed it for a minute or so and stopped moving it would go away. I was wrong. Here I sit an hour and a half later and it still hurts. I've stretched, I've rubbed and I've whined, none of these efforts has helped.

I'm torn between feeling frustrated by the fact that I was really having fun doing something new, and now I've injured myself so I don't know when I can try it again, and utter embarrassment. Seriously, people run 26.2 miles and running up a hill of about 30-40 feet has sidelined me. What a wuss!

I don't like it when my body rebels against me, I'm not very patient. But I will try to be kind to my screaming calf muscle and treat it kindly so I can try my ascent up my own "Heartbreak Hill", however paltry it is again soon.

I know I'll never commit to running a marathon, but I would like to be able to walk through my neighborhood without ending up limping and in pain. That doesn't seem like too much to ask.