Can Men and Women Just Be Friends? I Really Want To Think So

One of the things I love most in my life is the bright, passionate and very verbal friends I have. We get into debates about topics, sometimes pretty passionately, but it's always all good, and we all learn a lot.

Recently a friend and I got into it over whether or not women and men can just be friends, and if one or both of them are in a relationship with someone else, is it okay?

Coincidentally, I came across an article on cnn.com today about this very topic.

Now at full disclosure I have to say that my friend is married and I am not. I have male friends and female friends, and when she said she didn't think it worked to be in a relationship and have friends of the opposite sex I was stunned. I've been on my own for several years now, and if I thought getting married again meant giving up my guy friends, or the freedom to hang out with a guy, I'm not sure I'd do it.

When I got married, at 20, things were different. I was different. Now, a long marriage, three kids and a divorce later I'm not the same woman. I have on my own, built a life and a career, both including all sorts of different people - male and female.

Despite having some unhappy endings to relationships, I remain trusting and hopeful about who people are. I like to think if someone loves me, but has a terrific female friend who is just that, nothing more, that I would be not only accepting of that, but welcoming of having a partner who is open enough to really like women as people, not just romantic partners.

I think of my professional friends, some who happen to be male, whom I'm very fond of, and I would never want a partner of mine telling me I couldn't meet them for coffee or lunch. I like to believe that we are more than just a cascade of hormones waiting to be set loose, and that we can be our higher selves and keep it in our pants.

When the movie, "When Harry Met Sally" came out the message was no, women and men can't just be friends - that sex always gets in the way. Of course we all know that Sally and Harry did end up together, but we all knew they loved each other all along.

If being in a relationship means a man gets to tell me who to hang out with and who not to, I think it means staying single for me. But I don't think that will happen because times have changed. I look at my kids and they all have friends of both sexes and everyone is cool with it. I believe gone are the days where everyone has to feel threatened and jealous. I want to believe it, and I think it's worth working towards, even if the waters get a little choppy now and then.