I read this great article by Joel Stein in Time Magazine today about having George Clooney to dinner at his house in Los Angeles. My crush on George Clooney is well known to everyone who's ever talked to me or read anything I've written. I think he's... just wonderful. He's smart, self-deprecating, charming, funny, committed to helping others and hello, look at him!
What I found so charming about Stein's account of the several hours Clooney spent at his house was how down-to-Earth he was, and how he pitched right in when he heard a beeping sound coming from an unknown source. He got up on a ladder, flashlight in hand looked around Stein's attic, and checked out a breaker box in the basement. All this hands-on energy got me thinking; I think I need to have George come to my house for an interview. Not only would this big the biggest celebrity interview of my career, (apologies to Carly Simon, Ray Romano, Kathy Griffin, Anthony Michael Hall and all the other other celebrities I've interviewed and have now insulted) but I could also really use some help around my house, and now that George has shown himself willing and capable of performing household tasks it could be a win/win event for me anyway - George already has it all.
While I had some time I began jotting down some things he could do (it's only fair to give him a heads-up as to what will be involved so he has wardrobe options and brings the right tools) and have come up with I think the ultimate "Honey-do" list (a term I must admit I've always hated, but any chance to call George my honey I'll take).
1. I really don't like cleaning out my shower drain, it just kind of freaks me out a little. I'd love a break from this slimy task. Plus there would be the added bonus of seeing George on his hands and knees in my bathroom
2. A few years ago I had the brilliant idea of planting rambling roses in the front of my porch to, in theory, trail lovely pink roses around the railing. Well, they've rambled, tangled and hardly bloomed now making the porch look more Amittyville Horror and less lovely Cape Cod Cottage. They desperately need to be cut back, so bring some good gloves, George - they're thorny.
3. I bought a DVD player to have in my bedroom last summer and while I am fairly handy, I cannot get it to work, mostly because for some unknown reason, my TV refuses to leave channel 3. You're a big-time actor/producer/director George, you must have skills in this area. Then, if you like, we could perhaps hang out and watch a movie. I'm up for it if you are!
4. I have a back staircase with a very high ceiling where both lights have been burned out for months. This is a design flaw for sure because I cannot for the life of me, figure out how the hell to replace them. You're a smart guy George. I bet you could figure it out.
5. There was a scene in "Chocolat" where Johnny Depp, after checking out her screen door, says to Juliette Binoche, "I'll come by to take that squeak out of your door." There was something about the way he said it that you just knew this had nothing to do with a door. George, you can come by anytime to take the squeak out of my door.
I'm thinking that since Joel Stein did the whole dinner thing that I should do something different. I'm thinking milk and cookies - I make great chocolate chip cookies. There's nothing more innocent than milk and cookies, right?
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