Saturday, March 22, 2008

Creepy Crawly Critters and More

Yesterday I got up and like I always do, I groggily shuffled into the bathroom. When I stood up, pulling up my purple, fleece Hello Kitty jammie pants, I looked at the toilet and saw lurking under the seat, some spindly legs that I knew were from a daddy long legs. I freaked that I had just been sitting there, and Lord knows what that spider could have done to my exposed backside! After I stopped yelling, "Ew!" like a little, well, big girl, I calmed myself down, sort of.

This incident did set in motion some neurotic spinning (how about that pun?!) and checking my bottom for teethmarks - not easy to do my friends. I managed, despite the trauma to go on with my day, but I have to admit that every time I forayed into the bathroom I checked, and rechecked the seat before I sat down.

So, now you know, spiders are not among my favorite creatures. I have nothing personally against their right to exist, and I know they do a lot of good, I just don't like them in my space. They should stay in their space and I'll stay in mine. You don't see me hanging out in their webs.

Unfortunately spiders are but the tip of the paranoid iceberg with me, and after this incident I got thinking about the other things in my house that freak me out.

Number one would be the basement. I am not fond of my basement. It's too...well, basement-y. It's dark, dank and just downright creepy. I only go down there to check my oil tank, and now with oil prices at record highs, there's a whole new reason to fear that place. I almost always go down there when I'm on the phone with someone -just in case. In case of what I don't know, but I just need to know someone somewhere would know if I had a problem. I don't think that's weird at all.

I'm also not fond of hurricanes (or the threat of them) and blizzards. Three years ago we had something here called a "microburst". I was home alone when it hit and I was freaked out. So now I wonder, will it happen again? Every time it snows I wonder if I'll be snowed in for days and be eaten by wild dogs (it's a recurring theme) and relentlessly check weather.com for amounts expected, and curse at the computer and TV when they're wrong.

I really don't consider myself that high maintenance -but maybe that's part of being high maintenance - the denial of who you really are is in itself part of being high maintenance. I think I've hit a philosophical cul de sac:do you have to believe you're high maintenance to BE high maintenance? Yeah, probably not. It's probably a condition better spotted by objective bystanders. My children don't count - they're so not objective. My daughter is always telling me I'm irrational, so I think I know where her vote would land. But I really don't think my list is that exceptional, even when you add bees, (and their counterparts - wasps, yellow jackets and anything else stingy) coyotes, foxes and of course, snakes.

So I guess you'll never see me on "Survivor" or "Fear Factor" but I don't think that makes me less of a mature, rational woman capable of handling sticky situations. I will stick my hand in a raw chicken (not for sport but for purpose) clean up cat vomit and plunge a toilet (as long as there's no spider there). So I refuse to feel bad about the things I'm afraid of. I actually like to think by being so open about my own fears that I'm helping others. I'm betting several people who read this will check their toilets before they sit down. A simple thank you is plenty of payment.

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