"The Hills" are alive with the sounds of empty heads

So "The Hills" is back, and I feel more stupid already.

The season premiere was last week and of course I watched, it may be completely silly, but that's what makes it so highly entertaining.

The season kicked off with Lauren and Whitney (the two blonds on the left) in Paris for their faux"jobs" at Teen Vogue.

We got to see the L.A. girls traipse around Paris in designer gowns, in smoke-filled clubs being hit on by locals. Personally, I thought their driver was the best-looking guy there.

Lauren went for a late-night Vespa ride with a musician named Mathias who seemed to perpetually have a cigarette in his hand or mouth. You gotta love those Parisians and their smokes. I just wouldn't want to kiss one.

The other storyline was of course, the Spencer/Heidi drama. Whenever I see Spencer Pratt all I can think of is a weasel. Not that he acts like a weasel (which he totally does) but that he looks and sounds like one. He has to be the most unappealing man (and I use that word loosely, I think he's more of a boy) I have ever seen.

When we left off last season the engaged couple had decided to take a break, and Heidi headed back home to Colorado (I think so they could get lots of shots of picturesque Crested Butte in the snow) and of course, douche that he is, Spencer shows up uninvited (sad-looking red roses in hand) and well, drama ensues! I actually think these two empty-headed idiots deserve each other.

So, why do I watch this crap? Who the hell knows. So I can feel superior that I have an IQ over 70? Perhaps. Or maybe it's just after a long day of writing it's a vacation from thinking. I could of course watch Keith Oberman (whom I have to admit has become my nerd-crush) but then I'd have to focus and process information. "The Hills" is entertainment without brain-strain, there's no danger of having a serious thought during that show. Unless you count thoughts like: Why did Brody Jenner shave his hair off? And how come he's so rarely on his father's (Bruce Jenner) family's reality show, "Keep Up With the Kardashian's," is there a rift? Is Brody worried about over-exposure while he builds his career as...um, I don't know what he does other than go to clubs and smile - nice work if you can get it!

There is a part of me that wonders why I have information about any of these simpletons in my brain. Whitney and Audrina seem like pretty sweet young women, but good Lord, the don't seem to have the combined brain power to light a 40-watt bulb.

The sad thing is I will be setting my DVR to record it. It's like an accident I can't turn away from. I kind of want to see if they can top these life-changing lines:
"Jeans can be really addicting. New ones come out and you have to have them." Gee Whitney, maybe you can join a 12-Step program!

"And all I hoped for was a drama-free New Year's kiss." It's nice Lauren is keeping her life-goals very simple.

I truly think that if I could adopt a "Hills" view of life things would be so much easier for me. No more worrying about making ends meet or doing well in my career. I think I'm going to try a day looking at things the Lauren Conrad way:

"Now my only problem is figuring out what to wear!"

If only it were that simple...