Love, dating and all the crap in between

There was a great line in an episode of "Sex and the City" where Carrie Bradshaw says, the best way to get a date is to have a date. It's kind of like a dating cul-de-sac I fear.

Like any singleton I go through floods and draughts in my social life. There are times when it's like I've been doused in pheromones and am attracting every stray man and dog within 20 square miles. Other times, it's like tumbleweeds are rolling down the road and there's not a person in sight. I think it's just the way life works.

I think the happier you are with yourself the more attractive you are. Not just physically, but figurtively as well. People want to know someone who appears in the world as confident and happy. So I would tweak the SATC theory a bit and say the best way to get a date is to be content by yourself. There's a reason they say there is no scent worse than desperation. I know, it feels counter-intuitive, but sometimes the harder you try to grab on to something the more you push it away.

I went into a bit of a self-imposed hibernation for a time, and I think I pretty much had an invisible, but highly detectable sign flashing loudly from me that said, "Don't even think about it, bucko." But, as I have re-entered life in a more open way, the sign has since been replaced with, "Well maybe... we'll see." It's a step in the right direction, and a little less adversarial. Just a little, I'm still not easily had - no one should be, we're all worth some effort.

I was telling another single woman at my gym that I had two dates coming up on the weekend, and the first thing she asked was, "Where did you meet them?!" When one single person hears another one has a date that is always the first question. Everyone is looking for that elusive spot where all the wonderful eligable people are stashed. Unfortunately there is no such place. Believe me, we've all looked.

The supermarket at 6 or 7 o'clock? Yeah, it's just full of tired, cranky, hungry men who are pissed that they have to make themselves some dinner. All those fantasies of meeting-cute over reaching for the same French baguette are quickly replaced by grumpy-guy cutting in front of you with a bag of chips, some dip and a frozen pizza.

The coffee shop? Nah, it's full of either couples, people engrossed on their laptops, the java-flies - these folks are similar to bar-flies, but their drug of choice is caffeine, and while a step-up from alcohol, you still want to be careful about someone who can spend hours a day sitting at a small round table nursing a latte.

The gym. I've never met anyone other than some lovely women friends at the gym. Maybe it's where I live, which is the retirement mecca of the East coast. Just about every man I see there is at least twenty years my senior (not so bad when you're the 28-year-old girlfriend of 46-year-old George Clooney, not so great when you're talking a guy one step from going from treadmill to walker).

Basically I think it's all a big crap shoot. As cliche as it sounds, I think the most important love affair to have is with yourself. And if you find yourself freaking adorable,(as my daughter would say) chances are someone else will too. It's a total win/win as far as I can see - either way you get to spend your life with someone spectacular.