Thursday, March 20, 2008

Single Lens Reflex


I was awake in the middle of the night fretting, and I decided that I can't do it all. I know, it's shocking, I always thought I could. Somehow I'm sure I'm the only one who did.
This occurred to me after having sat at my computer yesterday (save a break here and there to make some tea and have something to eat) from 7:30 in the morning until 9:00 last night. I had a deadline, and the story was giving me some trouble.
My bed never got made, I did run the dishwasher, but didn't wipe down the counters or do any other household chores. I briefly talked to my brother and my mom, and fed my cat, but that was about it. I truly couldn't fit anything or anyone else in and make my deadline.
I've been thinking more about this since it was brought to my attention that I don't seem to be willing or able to make time in my life for a relationship. It sounds crazy, but I really don't know how you do it all. How do you make room in your life for someone who has every right to want time with you, when you're trying to make the near-impossible happen? My goal: To become a successful published author with many books to my credit. That doesn't happen without tremendous commitment, effort and time.
My friend, best-selling author Claire Cook , does it all well. But I think it helps that she was already in a long-term marriage when she began her writing career so she wasn't trying to date while birthing five novels. She's also married to a great guy who is incredibly supportive and proud of what she's doing.
My daughter is coming home tomorrow for a week. I will admit that my children are the exception in my workaholic ways. Though that said, I get up early and write while she sleeps, and anytime she's doing something else I'm right back at it. She is also the reason I will file my story, (soon I hope) drag the vacuum out and finally fold the two loads of clean laundry piled into a basket on the floor.
I used to pride myself on being an award-winning multi-tasker, and I've seen I'm not anymore. Possibly because you can't write and do dishes at the same time. If I come up with a way to do that, it might solve a lot of my problems. But for now I have to make choices, and the house is second to work. As is trying to factor in any kind of relationship apparently.
For now I think I just have to be singly focused. It's not forever, but for now. And after an adult lifetime of putting my three children first, I think it's not such a bad thing to put what I want to achieve at the front of the line. At least until one of them needs me, then all bets are off.

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