There was an incredibly troubling story in Time magazine this week about a supposed pact made amongst a group of Gloucester, MA high school sophomore girls to all get pregnant and raise their babies together.
I'll be honest, I was a big fan of the movie, "Juno," but I had no idea of the possible impact it might have on teens. Combine this with an entertainment industry that embraces unmarried celebrities having babies and raves about "baby bumps" all the time, and well, you've got girls thinking this looks pretty darn fun.
For any of us who are mothers, we know that having a baby isn't always fun, and is not something that your typical 15 or 16-year-old is anywhere near ready to undertake.
In my mind this is such a tragedy because obviously these girls didn't feel the limitless options for their lives that girls that age should feel.
I wrote a few weeks ago about my daughter graduating from Wellesley College. When I heard about these girls from Gloucester I wondered what separates these young women from the ones I know who just graduated with my daughter: Women who are going off to law school, to teach in China, to vet school, or like my own daughter, a big job in corporate America. Almost none of these young women I met come from wealthy families, we all sacrificed, took out loans and prayed every summer for good financial aid packages to help us get our daughters through this pricey college.
Maybe it's that by doing those things we showed our daughters we believed in them and their futures, and that reinforced their belief in themselves. That combined with the message they got every day at this famed women's college taught them that as wonderful as marriage and children can be, they are complete all on their own. In a school that is run by women they learned there are no limits to what they can do.
I am very happy with where I am in my life, but I wanted more for my daughter. I do not live with regret, but after getting married at 20, having my first child at 21, and divorcing at 40, I wanted something different for her. I now see the danger in banking your security and future on another person because there is no relationship safe enough or secure enough to ensure your future. You need to count on yourself, and have the education and skills with which to do that. Don't get me wrong, I would not trade my three kids for a corner office anywhere, but I want my daughter to not struggle in her 40s to pull a career together out of thin air after being a stay-at-home mom for 20 years.
It makes me very sad that so many girls seem to think all they're are capable of is having sex and getting pregnant. I believe in making sure birth control is available to girls who are determined to have sex, but along with that I think we should be offering ways to increase the self-esteem of teens in our country so they don't think the only way to be loved and feel good about themselves is to make babies.
They may look at famous teens like Jamie Lynn Spears and think having a baby looks SO fun. What they don't see is a future where most likely the relationship she is in will end, her mother will end up doing a lot of the parenting and that unlike them, the family has millions of dollars at their disposal to support her. These girls from Gloucester will probably never be able to attend college now, and they will spend their lives struggling. Teens don't have brains that are full formed enough to see into the future and make mature decisions. As parents we need to be there to guide, and help girls especially to see their value. A value beyond getting a boy to want them, and making babies.
"Girl power" is more than the battle cry of the Spice Girls, it's something we need to instill in the young women in this country, if we don't we're all going to suffer, especially those children they are no where near ready to raise.
So Hollywood? How about instead of the plethora of films glamorizing getting "Knocked Up" you start making movies that show girls all the things they can be and do. It's the least you can do for the future of our youth,don't you think?
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