A Day In My Big Fat Life

I lead what I consider to be a fairly small, not terribly interesting life with moments here and there of excitement.

Today has been a prime example of just how strange a day in the life of a freelance writer can be.

I started off my day deciding that since my dump sticker expires today that I would gather up all my trash and recyclables and head to the dump, rather, "Transfer Station."

I did a quick sweep of the fridge and discovered in the back some leftover fish dish my daughter had made a week ago. Yum!

I dumped it into the garbage bag (I know I should compost), threw it and several others along with my bins of glass, papers and cans into the back of my car, and headed to the dump, a five minute or so drive.

By the time I got there the fish juice had leaked all over the back of my Subaru causing my car to now smell like the bay at low tide. No, worse. The bay at low tide while a septic system next door overflows. To the best of my ability, with Kleenex and and some lemon scented Wet Ones I tried to sop up the smelly mess. I took care of the trash and tried to get the fishy smell off my hands for the drive home.

I had to hurry doing all this because I had to be here and ready to interview actor/producer Anthony Michael Hall at 10:00 for an upcoming story for the paper. He's in the new "Batman" movie.

As I scrubbed and scrubbed to try to rid my hands of this odor, and cleaned the back of my car, the absolute dichotomy of my life could not have been clearer: I am on one hand this single mom who does things like get covered with stinky fish juice, gets poison ivy mowing my lawn, and cleans up cat vomit, and on the other, I get to laugh and joke with people like Michael Hall. It just doesn't seem to add up.

I always pictured women who wrote about and interviewed celebrities looking like Hedda Hopper, pictured above. Now does she look like a woman who would haul trash? I don't think so!

I have interviewed lots of famous people and have never done it wearing pearls or a jaunty hat. I know times have changed since Hedda Hopper and Louella Parsons dished about celebrities, but my life is so far from theirs it just doesn't seem right, so I came up with some rules for how I can be more like the columnists of yore:

1.Don't try to sandwich in a gross task before a big interview. This includes cleaning drains, ovens or cat boxes.

2. Dress the part. No longer will I wear pajamas or workout clothes while I do phone interviews with celebrities. I will put on a cute dress and heels. Well, maybe the dress, the heels just get kicked off anyway.

3. I will not multitask and while a celebrity hems and haws pay my cable bill online. Hedda Hopper probably didn't pay bills at all. She had "people" who did that for her.

4. I will not drink luke-warm tea from my Bank of America travel mug while doing interviews. Only china tea cups for me.

5. Since I don't wear fur I will have my cat lie across my shoulders (this will come in handy come winter when I cannot afford the $4 a gallon heating oil) so I look fancy. This will work until he bites my head. Don't ask how I know this.

My interview ended up going very well. Michael and his entire family are all lovely people, and I enjoy them very much. I've interviewed his mom, sister and dad and think the world of them. It was a lot of fun.

But, now the fun is over and I have to go figure out what that thing my cat left under the dining room table is. I'm hoping it's only a fur ball. Believe me, I've seen worse.