Letting Go is Very Hard to Do

I have never been good at letting go of my kids. I was always the mom at the nursery school or bus stop holding back the tears - often quite unsuccessfully.

My problem is I not only love my children, I really, really like them. They are my favorite people to be with.

Today my daughter leaves for a new job that will take her 3000 miles away from home and I'm not thrilled about that, thank you very much.

Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled that she's done so well, and proud beyond belief in all she's accomplished. I just wish she could rule the world from her bedroom at home. Impossible wants have always been an issue for me.

My ex-husband and I adopted her from Korea when she was three years old. She has always, from day one been an amazing girl. I can well imagine if you've been uprooted from everything and anyone who looks familiar you get pretty good at adapting.

I was thinking yesterday as she and I hustled around getting things done, that when my children are around life has more color. Everything feels brighter and happier. Some of it may be that my kids are all incredibly funny, but they all have an amazing light that makes life better just being with them.

My daughter is more than my daughter, she's my best pal. Not in any icky let's-get-drunk-together-way (I don't even drink alcohol, so our sharing would more likely involve sugar) But she is my favorite person to shop with, to see movies with, and get sillier than I ever do with anyone else with.

Thanks to her I can never hear something like, "I'll be in and out real quick," without thinking, "That's what she said."

She does not like it when I wax emotional, hence this post which she may or may not read. But I wanted to tell her, and the world, that no mother could be more proud of her daughter than I am of her. No matter where she was born, she was meant to be my daughter. People look at us and do a double take sometimes, but I know she could not be any more my daughter if I'd given birth to her. She is truly one of the biggest gifts I've ever gotten in my life. She would argue that she's a bigger gift than her two brothers, but as mom, I say they are ALL equal in my heart. But she has the sparkly, Hello Kitty filled spot.

I know I am going to shed my share of tears (and many other's share as well - I am a weeper) as I adjust to her being in a different time zone. I'm consoling myself that she's not going to Beijing where she spent five months last year, but it's still hard.

My house will not feel as happy or light without her bouncing around, but it is time for her to go find her way as a young adult.

I just want to tell her, and proclaim it to the world, that I love you, Em, and no matter how far away you are, you are always close. You can't get rid of me that easily. It will take more than miles and airplanes to separate us because I love you more than anything in the world.

This is very hard.

That's what she said.
Mommy xoxoxo