I am a sucker for women's magazines, specifically the beauty tips within them. I'm always looking for a new way to improve skin tone and luster, get rid of cellulite, or do my make-up like a pro! (every magazines offers this promise, usually resulting in me looking like John Travolta in drag).
But, there is a downside to this however, there is a dark, even dangerous side to the beauty that no one talks about, and well, I'm here to warn you about the troubles I've seen.
This past week for instance, I read a tip in Cosmo about using an eyelash curler, something I use every day. They had a tip on how to get those eyelashes to really keep their upturned flair - they said you should heat the curler for a few seconds with your hairdryer - thereby turning it into a mini-curling iron, and it would make your eyelashes super-curled. Brilliant I thought! Why hadn't I thought of this?! So while doing my make-up a few days ago, I excitedly picked up my hair dryer, warmed the METAL curler for a few seconds, and then clamped it to my lashes. Well, what I didn't realize, and most people would, it that when you heat something metal it's going to get freaking hot, so I promptly scorched my eye lid. And, being the genius I am, I did it again, thinking somehow it had magically cooled in those fleeting seconds. Yes, there is a reason I am a writer and not cracking the code of cold fusion. I still think it's a viable idea, I just have to find the balance between skin-peeling heat and warm enough to work. Once the swelling abated my lashes did look super-cute though!
I have to admit to a history of stupid beauty choices, this episode is not completely unprecedented.
About five years ago I decided that daily summer shaving was a drag, and that waxing would be a great way to go. And, being the frugal gal I am, I thought, why spend big bucks at a salon when I could do it myself?
The leg portion of the show went pretty well, a little painful, but nothing unbearable. Where things took a really ugly turn was when I decided to do my underarms as well. I took the warm wax, and coated both underarms with the wooden spatula and waited for it to harden. As I tried to pull some of the now-cement-like wax from my pits I suddenly realized just how tender that area is. I didn't know what to do - there was no way out - the wax had to be removed, but ripping it off and tearing the hair out by its roots proved just too painful. So, after an hour of picking it off bit by bit, and putting a warm face cloth on it to soften the wax where I could, I was finally wax free. Thankfully I was home alone so this became my secret shame, well, until today.
You'd think I'd learn from doing these things, but I never seem to. I've used mayonnaise to condition my hair (only to find that even daily shampooings for a week won't cut that much oil) rubbed coffee grounds on my thighs for cellulite, and almost bought it slipping in the shower last summer after using a body scrub I bought at a discount store that contained not just sugar to scrub your skin, but oil to soften it, and in turn made my shower floor into a skating rink that no flying camel could save me from.
Luckily I mostly read entertainment magazines these days, and not so many beauty ones, so the tips are fewer and farther between. I think it's probably safer that way.
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