Looking a Little Red About Trying to Go Green

I've always tried to be somewhat green. I've recylced for as long as I can remember, been mindful of wasting gas and heating oil, (especially now!) and just try in my everyday life to do my part to help the planet .

All of these efforts led to a monthly column, "Be Green," in the paper I write for, the Cape Cod Times.

Now that I write this column, I'm more aware than ever that I need to walk my talk. But over the last week I became aware that there are times that I'm a bit of a green loser.

With my daughter home last week I was more scattered than usual, and each of the three times we went to the grocery store I forgot my reusable shopping bags. Each time I pulled into the store parking lot I had a Homer Simpson, "D'oh!" moment, but wasn't about to waste the gas to come home to get the bags. I do reuse the plastic bags for other household tasks, but I felt so guilty! I was also extremely self-conscious that someone would see me and think, "We're supposed to listen to her?" So I kept my head down and skulked my way to my car, crinkly plastic bags flapping in the wind, mocking me I'm sure.

In another effort to do my part I have changed most of the incandescent light bulbs in my home to more energy-efficient CFL bulbs, though I must admit I don't like them as much. I have never enjoyed the light from fluorescent bulbs, and I've spent many months trying to convince myself that it's all in my head (or my aging eyes) that I can't read or do projects as well in their more muted glow. But, when my daughter said she couldn't see as well as she needed to while working on crafts projects and changed a lamp back to an incandescent bulb, I realized I wasn't alone. When she screwed in a 75 watt bulb it was like someone had literally turned on the lights.

I feel so guilty. I've now become aware of the times I don't feel like cleaning the stinky cat food can, and the morning I felt chilled and took an extra long shower, I was bathed in shame.

I know that I do try hard to do my share, but I also know it's not enough. We could all do a lot more. Earth Day is coming up at the end of the month and it should serve as a reminder to all of us to do whatever we can. Especially if you have the hubris to write about it!

I'm going to try harder from now on. Really I am. Cat food cans? Totally recycled! Grocery bags? Only reusable. Just please don't tell anyone that I didn't change that light bulb back, and damn it, I even switched one on my desk back to an incandescent.

I think I have just put my big ol' carbon footprint in my mouth.